Give Negative Feedback

Negative feedback works when it's fast, private, about behavior, and followed up. Every week of delay makes it less useful and more like a verdict.

Do it now

Feedback decays fast. A note about a code review comment is useful the same day, awkward a week later, and useless in a performance review six months later, where it reads as evidence in a case instead of information the person can act on.

If you're putting off the conversation, ask what you're protecting. Usually it's your own comfort. Realize that giving hard feedback is the compassionate choice.

Keep it private

Default to private. The exception is public behavior that needs a visible correction, like a rude comment in a team channel. Keep the public part short ("that's not how we talk to each other here") and take the rest to a DM.

Describe the behavior

Lead with the criticism. Skip the praise sandwich: everyone over twenty-five knows what's happening when the first compliment lands. Radical Candor calls this kind of softening ruinous empathy, caring without challenging.

Use SBI with a request on the end, which is close to Nonviolent Communication:

  1. Situation. "In the design review on Tuesday."
  2. Behavior. "You interrupted Priya three times while she was presenting the alternative."
  3. Impact. "She stopped presenting, and we never heard the alternative."
  4. Request. "Let people finish, and put objections in the doc."

Step 2 takes the most discipline. "You were dismissive" is a conclusion the person can argue with. "You interrupted three times" is an observation they can check, and it says nothing about their character.

Ask, then listen

After the request, ask how they see it, then stop talking. What they say next is often the useful part. Maybe the observation was wrong (they'd been asked to time-box the review), or there's a bigger problem underneath.

Follow up

Write down the request and the date, and ask how it's going in the next 1-1. If the behavior changed, say so. If it didn't, have the second conversation and call it the second one. Tell them that a third conversation about the same thing means you have a performance problem.

The same rules apply in reverse. Make "feedback for me" a standing 1-1 topic, and when you get a real answer, say what you'll change and change it. People tend to stop giving feedback to a manager who argues with it.